tiny miracles

My Brother had to write a paper about someone who has gone through a trial in their life.  He asked me if I would write down Parker's and Kasidee's story and some of the thoughts that I had.  This could have been 20 pages long...but this is what I wrote for him.  I have never sat down and written the whole thing out before.  I wanted to save it.  So if you don't want to read this really long post you don't have to. 

Thinking back now, it feels like a dream. Like showing up at the hospital with a couple concerns, and then being rushed to another specialized hospital in an ambulance didn’t really happen to me. Did a doctor walk into my hospital room and ask me, while I was in labor, whether I wanted to keep my babies or not? Should they try to save them?


But it did, it happened. And I can’t help but feel extremely blessed to have Parker and Kasidee in my life!

Let’s start at the beginning. On Wed. May 28, 2003 I had been packing boxes all day. My husband, Markley, had just graduated with his Masters from USU, and we were moving away from the college life. We were excited to be starting our family with twins on the way and a new job…everything was just about perfect.

I started having these pains that night. They progressively got worse. But I was a first time mom; I had no idea that these were contractions. Besides, I was only 23 weeks along; they couldn’t be labor contractions yet! Well, I continued to have them through the night, plus I started leaking fluid. I wasn’t too concerned yet, but I called my doctor anyway the next morning at about 6. He said to come in to the hospital, just to be safe and get checked out.

Walking into the hospital actually made me a little excited. I get to come back here and have two little babies in a couple months! We had been trying for a year to get pregnant; we wanted these babies so bad!

I got a gown on, got settled in a room, and they ran some tests and did an ultrasound. But then all the excitement turned into fear as doctors and nurses literally ran into my room and started giving me shots (steroids for the babies’ lungs) and prepping me for an ambulance ride to a better hospital.

What was going on? Was this my fault? Had I lifted too many boxes? Had I done something wrong? We didn’t even have names picked out! Our nursery wasn’t ready! We were going to be moving tomorrow! They didn’t write about this in What to Expect When You’re Expecting!

I was very blessed to have a Bishop, who was the hospital administrator at the time. He came and helped Mark give me a blessing, one of hope and peace. I kept singing primary songs in my head, “Heavenly Father, are you really there?” The Spirit was a close companion through the whole scary day.

They wouldn’t let Mark ride with me in the ambulance. He had to follow in the car. They told him they were going to have the lights going, but no siren. Just follow close behind and we would be there in no time. As we got closer to the hospital we hit some construction. They switched on the sirens to help us get to hospital faster, poor Mark, he thought something had gone wrong. He was helpless in the car behind the ambulance. What was happening to his whole family?

Being wheeled down the hospital halls on a bed was not something I ever want to do again! My mom is a nurse; I have been in doctors’ offices and hospitals my whole life. But I am always the one walking down the hall, watching the person being wheeled in a bed, wondering what was wrong.

Now I was in the bed, wondering what was wrong. It was scary. I felt very alone! More primary songs, “Do you hear and answer every child’s prayer?” Much better.

I got settled in a room again, and I was hooked up to every monitor possible. I didn’t know that so many wires could be hooked up to one person. Mark finally got there, much to his relief and mine. We sad holding on to each other’s hands like life-lines, while doctors kept coming in telling us all the things that could go wrong with babies that were born at 23 weeks. Neurological problems like retinopathy of prematurity, cerebral palsy, intraventricular hemorrhages…What does any of that even mean? That sounds really serious...Cardiovascular complications may arise like patent ductus arteriosus (PDA)…What did PDA stand for? Squeeze Mark’s hand harder…Respiratory problems…The list kept going and going!

What were we suppose to do? 22 week babies are considered a miscarriage, 24 week babies they do everything they can to save them, 23 weeks is a grey area. We were supposed to decide what to do. I am only 20 years old!!! How am I supposed to make a decision like this! More primary songs, “Some say that Heaven is far away, but I feel it close around me as I pray.”

Then things kind of worked out on there own. My water broke while I was in the bathroom. “Um, Mark, I think my water just broke, can you get a nurse?” According to Mark (who thought that once your water broke, the babies immediately followed), there wasn’t a person in sight. We had been surrounded by doctors and nurses all day, and then when we need someone, they all disappear. Mark went running up and down the hall yelling for someone, anyone who could help. Nurses came in, checked me, I was dilated to a 10, everything went crazy again. They literally ran my bed, with me on it, to the surgical room. Mark was rushed to scrub up, and I felt all alone again as they gathered doctors. More primary songs, “Suffer the children to come to me. Father in prayer I’m coming now to thee.”

Parker and Kasidee were born on May 29, 2003. Parker weighed 1 lb. 6 oz. and Kasidee weighed 1 lb. 2 oz. They both cried when they were born, which was the first miracle of many to come. They are now 7 years old. If you saw them, you would never know all that they have overcome to get to where they are right now. No one would know that they had more blood transfusions than I can remember, 4 surgeries between the two of them, a very scary night that Kasidee wasn’t expected to make it through, but she did. They both are miracles. Heavenly Father blessed our family!

Remembering back has brought back a couple tears, but mostly it has helped me remember how much my Heavenly Father knows and loves me.

 Parker Allan

Kasidee Taylor